Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think my tv is drunk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
