You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
