There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
