wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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