I'm lost and stupid without you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
