just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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