dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will be naked everywhere
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
