I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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