Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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