I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
