remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
