so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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