At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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