OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
