Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
