She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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