I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
