I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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