Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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