we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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