If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
