my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
