My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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