At least make sure they are 18
Why
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
