It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
