oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
