If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
