I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
