writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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