Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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