i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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