She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
