did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
