I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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