did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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