Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
