he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
