i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
