the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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