apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
