please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
