The maid of honor just puked.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
