the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
