my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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