I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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