I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
