I am spending my child support on dildos
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
