You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
