This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
