He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
