I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
