mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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