u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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