I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
