I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
