Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
